Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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