You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
