he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
