were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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