eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
