I smell stomach acid.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
