i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
