I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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