I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
