Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
