I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
