would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
