i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
