I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
