it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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