I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
