And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
