Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
