the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
