Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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