Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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