that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
