No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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