I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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