There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
