I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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