glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
