You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
