Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
