im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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