I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
