i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
