True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
