you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
