How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
