Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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