SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
