About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
