there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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