Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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