haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
