I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
