I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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