And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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