You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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