p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
