I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
