I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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