maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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