My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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