i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
