Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
