I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
